Letter from the president: Who’s on your naked rescue list?

Occasionally, something happens that makes you take a mental inventory of who you can trust when it really counts. For me, it was my first, post-40 fall in the bathtub recently. For the record, I was fine, but sore as hell. I am positively thrilled that I didn’t break a hip or crack my skull open.

Edward is stunned by the view out his window.

As I lay in a mangled heap slowly trying to move individual joints, my mind raced with possible rescue scenarios. I’m naked. Which neighbors have keys? Which neighbors with keys can I live with seeing me naked? Which neighbors do I secretly want to torture enough to have the image of my flabby nakedness burned into their retinas forever? I won’t name names, but you probably know who you are. Who do I trust to see me in this vulnerable position and not try to record my humiliation for posterity? And the list shrinks again …

My neighbor, Edward, has had the unfortunate luck to have a direct view in my bathroom window from his kitchen window for the last 13 years. I have accidentally flashed that man more than he and I care to think about. He even bought me a bath mat the next morning as a deterrent for future falls. Next up, my neighbor and ex-paramedic, Kathy, who unfortunately, is injured herself. No help there. Finally, I thought about calling my ex, Justin, but with my luck, he wouldn’t answer his phone and my stepson would show up and be scarred for life.

Eventually, I emerged from my predicament with a surprisingly long list of neighbors that I could have called (and the For Sale signs go up all down the block). Many of these neighbors were the same ones that also came to my rescue when I was forced to make a career change again this month. Have you ever thought about who is on your “naked rescue” list? You may be surprised, too.

As I prepare for the upcoming 4-Miler and Festival weekend, I’m wondering how it’s possible that we haven’t had an actual, live, naked runner in the 4-Miler … and how many times I can squeeze the word “naked” into a single letter. Bam … that just happened. See you at the festivities.

– June Hurt

Author: LampLighter

The voice of Cooper-Young, a vibrant, diverse neighborhood to live, work and play, in the heart of Midtown Memphis, Tennessee.

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